feeling like life is out of my hands. controlling what i can and trying to leave the rest to the big man. let go, let God. i have to keep believing that things are going to work out how they are meant to. we make decisions in life, everyday, we have to face the consequences of those decisions (whether they are good or bad). this is a tough reality, but it's a good lesson to learn. trying hard to t.h.i.n.k. before speaking or acting. things are a little shaky, scary, and super unsteady, but i'm hanging on. i'm okay.
[day by day.]
[hour by hour.]
[minute by minute.]
Monday, November 7, 2011
Sunday, October 30, 2011
i'm alive
so damn easy to say that life's so hard
everybody's got their share of battle scars
as for me, i'd like to thank my lucky stars
that i'm alive and well
it'd be easy to add up all the pain
and all the dreams you sat and watched go up in flames
dwell on the wreckage as it smolders in the rain
but not me, i'm alive
and today you know that's good enough for me
breathing in and out's a blessing, can't you see
today's the first day of the rest of my life
and I'm alive and well
i'm alive and well
stars are dancing on the water here tonight
it's good for the soul when there's not a soul in sight
this boat has caught its wind and brought me back to life
now i'm alive and well
and today you know that's good enough for me
breathing in and out's a blessing, can't you see
today's the first day of the rest of my life
now I'm alive and well
yeah, i'm alive and well
everybody's got their share of battle scars
as for me, i'd like to thank my lucky stars
that i'm alive and well
it'd be easy to add up all the pain
and all the dreams you sat and watched go up in flames
dwell on the wreckage as it smolders in the rain
but not me, i'm alive
and today you know that's good enough for me
breathing in and out's a blessing, can't you see
today's the first day of the rest of my life
and I'm alive and well
i'm alive and well
stars are dancing on the water here tonight
it's good for the soul when there's not a soul in sight
this boat has caught its wind and brought me back to life
now i'm alive and well
and today you know that's good enough for me
breathing in and out's a blessing, can't you see
today's the first day of the rest of my life
now I'm alive and well
yeah, i'm alive and well
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
un-technologized
got rid of facebook, foursquare, & twitter. feel pretty free. don't need people to know what's going on in my life. period. i am becoming very sick of people in general and feeling like everyone is just in it for themselves and for the drama. gotta start choosing the people i let in A LOT more wisely.
moving out tomorrow. definitely a bittersweet feeling. i'm not feeling spectacular about life currently...
k.o.k.o.
moving out tomorrow. definitely a bittersweet feeling. i'm not feeling spectacular about life currently...
k.o.k.o.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
independence
"i come undone; oh yes i do; just think of all the thoughts wasted on you"
in·de·pend·ence (noun):freedom from the control, influence, support, aid, or the like, of others.
i can do this. :deep breath: change is scary, but that's okay. here's to finding myself.
i'm ready.
in·de·pend·ence (noun):freedom from the control, influence, support, aid, or the like, of others.
i can do this. :deep breath: change is scary, but that's okay. here's to finding myself.
i'm ready.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
happy or sad, time passes anyway
"i’m not going to stress over you anymore. it isn’t worth it. i tried to work something out, but you just ignored it. i'm not trying to say I don’t want you because I definitely do. all I’m saying is I’m done chasing after you."
"and i keep going back to the one thing i need to get away from."
"you should never forget about the past, everything happens for a reason. instead learn from the past, learn from your mistakes, and learn from every experience in life. never forget those that have changed you either for the good or the bad because they have made you who you are. and always remember that life is meant to be tough, to challenge you, and to make you stronger."
"there is no person in the world who is made to handle every punch that's thrown at them. we aren't made that way. In fact, we're made to get mad, upset, sad, be hurt, stumble and fall. we aren't suppose to be able to handle everything. but that's what makes us stronger in the end, by learning from the things that hurt us the most."
"you have to get hurt. that's how you learn. the strongest people out there, the ones who laugh the hardest with a genuine smile, those are the people who have fought the toughest battles. because they've decided that they're not going to let anything hold them down, they're moving on."
"and i keep going back to the one thing i need to get away from."
"you should never forget about the past, everything happens for a reason. instead learn from the past, learn from your mistakes, and learn from every experience in life. never forget those that have changed you either for the good or the bad because they have made you who you are. and always remember that life is meant to be tough, to challenge you, and to make you stronger."
"there is no person in the world who is made to handle every punch that's thrown at them. we aren't made that way. In fact, we're made to get mad, upset, sad, be hurt, stumble and fall. we aren't suppose to be able to handle everything. but that's what makes us stronger in the end, by learning from the things that hurt us the most."
"you have to get hurt. that's how you learn. the strongest people out there, the ones who laugh the hardest with a genuine smile, those are the people who have fought the toughest battles. because they've decided that they're not going to let anything hold them down, they're moving on."
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
trying to break the cycle.
... losing hope is easy, when you only friend is gone...
frustration comes so easy with us. anger. shame. hurt. still going through the same old cycle it seems: day in, day out... up and down, riding that crazy roller coaster. nothing changes... but i hang on and give it everything i've got, because that's who i am. i cannot be that person anymore. i need to start focusing on me. i need to change. i need to do it for me. life is too short and there are so many important things that i don't want to lose. i do not have the time nor the energy to give 100% of myself to one person. i told him that. i told him i wasn't going to be the person always running around fixing everything. it is way to hard and not fair to either of us. so this year will be different. i need to stick by my word on this one. if things work out, that's great; but if they don't, i need to be okay with that too. i need to be okay with relying on myself and trusting myself. i have lost a lot of that lately and i need to work to get it back. here's to making changes and living my life for me.
frustration comes so easy with us. anger. shame. hurt. still going through the same old cycle it seems: day in, day out... up and down, riding that crazy roller coaster. nothing changes... but i hang on and give it everything i've got, because that's who i am. i cannot be that person anymore. i need to start focusing on me. i need to change. i need to do it for me. life is too short and there are so many important things that i don't want to lose. i do not have the time nor the energy to give 100% of myself to one person. i told him that. i told him i wasn't going to be the person always running around fixing everything. it is way to hard and not fair to either of us. so this year will be different. i need to stick by my word on this one. if things work out, that's great; but if they don't, i need to be okay with that too. i need to be okay with relying on myself and trusting myself. i have lost a lot of that lately and i need to work to get it back. here's to making changes and living my life for me.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
..and everything's a mess...
isn't anyone trying to find me?
won't somebody come take me home?
h.u.r.t. it's such a powerful, easy feeling. try. fail. try. fail. try. fail. it's like an ugly, ugly cycle that consumes me. i feel like i have no where to turn. can't reach out. damned if i do. damned if i don't. the words spill on this page, i could write forever, and it would still be a mess. it would still be confusing, tangled, all.over.the.place. i don't know how to fix this. i feel like i'm drowning. b.r.e.a.t.h.e. {God did not bring me this far to leave me here.} just gotta get through. just gotta keep pushing forward. just gotta stay focused. good luck.
won't somebody come take me home?
h.u.r.t. it's such a powerful, easy feeling. try. fail. try. fail. try. fail. it's like an ugly, ugly cycle that consumes me. i feel like i have no where to turn. can't reach out. damned if i do. damned if i don't. the words spill on this page, i could write forever, and it would still be a mess. it would still be confusing, tangled, all.over.the.place. i don't know how to fix this. i feel like i'm drowning. b.r.e.a.t.h.e. {God did not bring me this far to leave me here.} just gotta get through. just gotta keep pushing forward. just gotta stay focused. good luck.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
lost.
it's been awhile... can't believe i'm still feeling the exact same way. wondering...wondering...wondering. i am just a girl, living in this great big world. i haven't yet found out who i am or where i am going. still searching. i hope i don't spend my whole life searching. pain comes easy. in like it was never out. tears flow. it's no big deal. it's all a facade. it's all a game. i don't have control anymore, things are out of my reign. what do i want? what do i really want? i either have absolutely zero answer to that question, or an answer that is a mile and a half long... i'm not happy; to be quite honest i am miserable. i am making it though... faking it, making it and it will be fine. f.a.i.t.h. God hears, God knows... there has to be something greater after this. i need to convince myself that i can do this on my own. i can. i am strong.
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